Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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