he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
