my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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