Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
