This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
if only i could text you this smell
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Randomize
