i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dont worry your back hair reminds me of angel wings
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
