I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
