That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Randomize
