Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you remember whose house we're in?
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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