come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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