i just wanna soil my oats bro
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
the night ended with taco bell and tears
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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