you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
