I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
