you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Randomize
