Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
