is your mom at the bar?
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
