I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
