You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
