my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Panties = found
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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