I accidentally burped into my bong.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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