my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
