I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
