Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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