My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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