I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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