At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Oh and sorry for almost killing all of us last night... twice...
Randomize
