Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
