dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
