dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
