New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
