After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
