I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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