In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
