Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Randomize
