Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
