Kroger has a sale on economy packs of some ridic brand of condom with a smiley devil heart on it $4.99 for 24
Sounds like a baby waitign to happen
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
