Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Two words: nipple clamps
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