I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
