you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
