I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Randomize
