we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
