shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
