it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
