So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
