I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
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