Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Randomize
