hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
