I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Randomize
