stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
