Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
