Can i not drive my cunt home
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Randomize
