I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
Randomize
