I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
Randomize
