how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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