I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Randomize
